Screams at the top of my lungs
its scary, well sometimes when i try to think of the future and it just eludes me. i cant seem to pin point and decide on what i might want to do, all i have is a slight indication and glimpses of senarios and cases which might not turn out to be true.
simply put, i'm on this extreme case of worrying, worrying that i'll not be able to cope with university life, worrying that i'll never be able to see beyond tomorrow, worrying that i'll never in a million years write anything as good as what my heroes wrote, as a matter of fact, not even anything that i could stand reading.
its this raging force that is driving me nuts these days just thinking about loads of stuff... its painless yet painful at the same time. A millions of what ifs, and a host of what could have beens float throught my mind almost endlessly, like a steady stream in the nasty ocean. clear, very clear. almost crystal-like.
still, i honestly wish i was born in like the early 80's coz thats when all the good stuff came out. joy division, the smiths, new order, the clash, guns and roses, metallica, pixies, my bloody valentine, the cure, depeche mode. all this shit that translated and evloved into most of the listening material that i shamelessly indule in. i'm convinced that at the very least at that point of time there were a considerable amount of people to talk to about music. Rather than having people nodding in vain to whatever you're saying most of the time now.
then again i'm probably right about this. i'm lonely, dead lonely and making my life more simple and fuss free is the fact that there;s practically no one in my life now, which is quite the brilliant i say.
why the fuck am i so different? i dun really know i guess, i'm not trying to listen to other forms of non commerical, difficult music to be delibrately different, its just well fulfilling and exciting for me. i still get high from listening to the bends, turn on the bright lights and urban hymms and loads of other stuff. i think records do change your life and i bloody believe in that, they're dynamic, intense and fiercely uplifting, not to mention inspirational as well. i dun think u can get bored with music ever, there's always a record, song that u can return to and it'll make evrything else fade out, just for that few mins or hours of bliss.
still, each to his own i guess. i'm just trying to put things right lest people make this assumption that i'm an extremely difficult and wilful person based on the things i've said and done.
i hope we made you sound less bitter than you really are!
really!
*oh yesha feel much much better i now* - alterego voice over, think yoda?
simply put, i'm on this extreme case of worrying, worrying that i'll not be able to cope with university life, worrying that i'll never be able to see beyond tomorrow, worrying that i'll never in a million years write anything as good as what my heroes wrote, as a matter of fact, not even anything that i could stand reading.
its this raging force that is driving me nuts these days just thinking about loads of stuff... its painless yet painful at the same time. A millions of what ifs, and a host of what could have beens float throught my mind almost endlessly, like a steady stream in the nasty ocean. clear, very clear. almost crystal-like.
still, i honestly wish i was born in like the early 80's coz thats when all the good stuff came out. joy division, the smiths, new order, the clash, guns and roses, metallica, pixies, my bloody valentine, the cure, depeche mode. all this shit that translated and evloved into most of the listening material that i shamelessly indule in. i'm convinced that at the very least at that point of time there were a considerable amount of people to talk to about music. Rather than having people nodding in vain to whatever you're saying most of the time now.
then again i'm probably right about this. i'm lonely, dead lonely and making my life more simple and fuss free is the fact that there;s practically no one in my life now, which is quite the brilliant i say.
why the fuck am i so different? i dun really know i guess, i'm not trying to listen to other forms of non commerical, difficult music to be delibrately different, its just well fulfilling and exciting for me. i still get high from listening to the bends, turn on the bright lights and urban hymms and loads of other stuff. i think records do change your life and i bloody believe in that, they're dynamic, intense and fiercely uplifting, not to mention inspirational as well. i dun think u can get bored with music ever, there's always a record, song that u can return to and it'll make evrything else fade out, just for that few mins or hours of bliss.
still, each to his own i guess. i'm just trying to put things right lest people make this assumption that i'm an extremely difficult and wilful person based on the things i've said and done.
i hope we made you sound less bitter than you really are!
really!
*oh yesha feel much much better i now* - alterego voice over, think yoda?
posted by jin at 10:15 AM
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