seamless transmittion between the androids n stars

Horrifyingly Hilarious

2006-05-21T09:27:00.000-07:00

Well, besides the hard gay-ish stuff and the yama san... na something... here's more youtube goodness!

edit. watch it in sequence, top then bottom, its erm an entire episode... haha

the waking up and blinking

2006-04-07T11:08:00.000-07:00

Its a sat morning, yet i'm feeling wide awake dispite not sleeping much yesterday and having studied the... erm most of today

dun know whats keeping me up tho,
could be the impending exams and my impending doom...

nah, dun think it could be that bad

just today, me and darren brought, timothy, this poly interviewee around cs and he happened to be a film-maker whose film is travelling to canes!

along with *i think roystan tan and jack neo's latest works.

to say the truth, i was abit dazed to respond properly and proceeded to rave about canes without asking the least bit about his film

which was really the point, really

got distracted by the prestigious-ness and red carpet treatment of the event

i really should have asked him about his film, even if it wasn't going to france or even if it was a work in progress.

even if it was an idea.

i dun ask questions and seem to take everything for an answer
and that in itself is a pretty bad problem...

gotta find a way to correct myself
its depriving me chances to really get to know things and respond better to people

whys likes thats sias.....

proper sorry frown

2006-03-29T09:29:00.000-08:00

i guess some things can still hit you when you least expect them to.

unsuspectingly, when a blank search page quietly answers the thought that has been circulating for some time. what if all you could do was to surrender meekly to your insercurities and set yourself up for that emotional upheavel that you've been trying to avoid or pretend.

you could, for instance, be as nonchalant and distant as before.

but it would have got to you in the end anyway...

so the best thing, he thought, was to soak himself in the company of these ghostly songs. which features uptight and complex personalities tearing apart the notions of conventional confessional love songs.

and there he was, at ease.

* these are weird times and weirder conicidences, but no matter how weird they are, conicidences are mean to be treasured even if it's for a fleeting moment.

i don't want to do it your way...

2006-03-27T10:41:00.000-08:00

these hipsters aren't likely to be geezers anytime soon

but while it lasts, here's one of their cooler tracks of the 2nd album Room On Fire Chekit out la...

ahem, may i present to you..... one of more under-rated, slower but still dramatically poignant Under Control

anyhows, their new one is not too bad as well, its different and slightly less raucous, sort of starts to stick itself to you after repeated spins, especially with both the singles.

eh but its pretty badly panned so.... go figure i guesss..

well not much to write today, eh i guess our childhoods do play an important role in our lives, take for instance something completely random, eh the Super Mario Bros!

i mean if anything that was once part of our lives so many years ago but so easily forgotten can incite a feverish, hilarious and fantastic 'discussion' amongst 5 dudes, it must mean something!

yeap and so does this song

eh its not exactly everyone's cup of tea but somehow, i think i have accquired an unhealthy obessession with this band

erm besides owning most of their back catalog, i recently accquired a four bloody disk box set! for fuken close to nothing! (eh maybe except 15 minutes of concerntration) woot! eh ok... i jguess i just wanted to tell people that and let them marvel at the wonders of the internet for themselves....should stop now

happy erm mugging people, and if you aren't, well technically, you should la...

and erm sorry for the boring post ..as i've said got nothing to say la

never gone - xD

2006-03-19T01:01:00.000-08:00

hmm... seems like everyone's back into blogging again. i might as well just start typing some stuff just for fun.

i realise i'm so stoned recently, could be the non-existent school work, or the punishing self imposed downloading schedule that i'm supposed to strictly follow.. (daily knock off timing - 3 a.m., number of full albums got - hopefully about 4?) maybe its the fucking humid weather lately..

right... just blame everything at the unsuspecting weather how convenient...

that said, the music's been awfully, awfully fantastic. just friday, i was re-reading Norweign wood (something on my to-do-list for awhile, and i found it in an NTU library! how apt...) and itunes seemed to take a life of its own and starting spewing all these wonderful tunes, not once did i even click 'next'... only proves downloading erm .. rocks.. haha

and to further harp upon the wonders of the internet, go here to serve all yer song requests.. ok maybe not all, but its "FAN"-tastic. its like how all the smart people seem to like to hang out together and derive all the right answers, yeah something similar, simply replace or rather equate "smart people" with "music lovers with blogs".

speaking of music lovers with blogs, here's some new-ish stuff that might interest some people...

Graham Coxon - Standing on my own again
- from the former Blur axe-man, a really good slice of power pop and return to form, continuing from his previous album, the new one's all about snappy guitars and punchy choruses... try it out eh?

Art Brut - Good weekend
- another chunk of british-ness, this time the infectious and hilarious Art Brut! just hear them rip at modern 'pop culture' i'm sure you'll be hard-pressed to disagree : )

Anyways all links expire in 7 days and i'm pretty sure no-one's gonna go get them la.... this is just for my own sick intentions of mimicing music blogs that have opened my ears to stuff rather generously. or some form of a tribute, i guess...

good (downloading) days ahead!

A hoot, a loot and a boot

2005-10-17T12:04:00.000-07:00

"Behind that mask lies not flesh but ideas, Mr Creedy and ideas are bulletproof."

and ideas get you thinking about fucking nonsensical stuff at 3 am in the morning, especially when you realised that someone who was once that damn close to you has erm gotten herself a suitor. And this rocks your world, literally, i mean you've never seen that coming in ever and with these self - deluding antics you firmly believe that you're probably strong enough to withstand whatever blow that comes your way.

and how fucking wrong were you? about this fucking close to realising that you're so fucked by just one simple unassuming line. and then you start to ask yourself if you were ever this weak at all, but does it matter? a shake of head tells you that its true. You are fucking spineless.

The phrases which i thought you knew

2005-09-15T10:19:00.000-07:00

This is another new post.

Not unlike the previous one.

Why u might ask? Becoz.....i've...... fucking went to cut my fucking hair. Brilliant eh? marvelous, courageous and utterly downright stupid if you ask me. Argh... but wat the heck, its done and i can't possibly murder the deaf barber, so i'll have to wait a good 1 month i guess.... but guess wat.... school's starting in 4 days.....another cause for joy.

Anyway, you know sometimes when whatever you do everything's just seems so sad? Like the latest book that you read and at the start of the story is a guy and a girl exchanging formalities not akin to stuff like "so how's the weather?", but they are so obviously lovers at some point of their lives. And then in response to a "hows have you been?", the girl lets slip that she has 2 kids, its just devastatingly sad.

Or when you listen to a song like the new, and despite listening to it for the past year and a half or so, it only makes more sense when he sings 'baby, my heart's been breaking, i gave alot to you, i take alot from you too, you slave alot for me, guess you can say i gave you my air, i can't pretend i need to defend some part of me from you, i know i've spent sometime all lying." like today, then you experience such an awkward sense of sadness, you can't seem to place it but you know its nowhere near your heart.

Perhaps its when you log in to MSN and read of people's nicknames for the fun of it, to see who's depressed and who's happy, who's delirious and who's clueless, who's hiding behind masks and who's fucking plain innocent. And then you see something like "why do some people like to walk in and out of your life?", you freeze and do know how to react, just this intense sadness that fills you up nicely, to the brim.

And once again, it sorta repeats itself again when the next song that plays has this in it "love's an excuse to get hurt, and to hurt. Do you like to hurt? Then hurt me, then hurt me........." And once again, its sadness at work again. Slowly peeling away your resistance, subsituting anger, jealousy and even rage, all thats left is the inevitably floating feeling of sadness.

Heartaches are less painfull than headaches, but then again, they last longer.

late resignation

2005-09-02T10:42:00.000-07:00

well if anyone was wondering.The post below certainly doesn't sound like me nor does it make much sense, but it was posted by some cow suffering from post morning sickness and taking down every single detail that was happening around her. And this is not a disclaimer. And she did not force me at cut-throat to let her post on my blog. And i actually let her do it coz she's a budster! bleh.

well not much happening recently, not jamming, not reading, not really listening and not really learning as well. Scored quite poorly for most of my stuff. Sadness. Hope i wont fare too badly for 101. i guess its all my own wrongdoings.

Not doing much, not sleeping properly, not listening, not paying attention, not reading up, not focused, not remembering, not thinking, not keeping track of time, not putting in effort, not helpful, not really fitting in, not bothered, even,i think, not suitable.

Maybe wat my ex told me last year was pretty true. i'm just not cut out for this course. eh. i'm not too sure how she deduced that but i'm just dying to find out why.

its probably just the place, the subjects, the fear, the wasted thoughts, the innate inability to relate to anything, the procastinating, the unfamiliar, the lack of self discipline, the head shakes, the sighing, the endless stream of information, the nausea, the not knowing what to do, the looks, the same clothes, the same rubbish, the same looks.

i'd wish i was wearing some fucking uniform instead.

And why do i even bother writing bout this shit here? i think i'm just fucking awed by the idea of self pity. Its fun to read whatever you're writing, and then look back and say blah.

its the nagging thought behind my head, the slient speech bubble that says 'wat the fuck is wrong???' thats circulating around my skull. i cant seem to put that down. i cant seem to see anything at all. everything's not right, not right at all. its my worst scenario come through, like why am i here in the first place? did i ever think that i'll do sth worthwhile, or even fucking do something.

something is wrong with me, i think. i cant really get use to the school life, i dun even know how to describe it becoz i've sorta lost my vocab, or maybe i didnt have 1 in the first place. Its fairly easy to be depressed i guess, sulking the whole day does takes up less strenght and concerntration. And its very easy to complain and bitch and whine and curse.

like for example, i'm already into my ? 7th paragraph. I probably need to sort myself out. Low, low low low self confidence. Not really knowing whats going on. constantly paranoid. looks weird too. yeah and sadly does not feel any better after finishing this post. very boring person.

i am a wanker

2005-08-31T20:45:00.000-07:00

I mean seriously. Who uses "boing" and gets it to be a topic and that's it? Nah. I could talk about how badly poor little moo coughs. or how green her face was last night. but nah. there are more things in life than that. like.. the latest mindfuck that I'm currently going through. hummmmm. to put tao geh or not to put tao geh in my char kway teow. what say you? I don't like tao geh. narh. crunchy things that make me go eeew.

Well done, says the person standing on my shoulder. Another person comments on the lint that's on her shirt. Sucking her fingers. I wonder why the action of sucking fingers would turn anyone on. I mean. It's just. Sucking. Suckity suck suck. And.. disclaimers don't work. Don't believe what disclaimers say.

Well done, I say.

Also. Why do people like crumpler bags? "They're damn cool", "they're way out of my range", "my god, I saw the haversack, and it's $298!" Riiiiiiight.

And money drops from the skies.

boing

2005-08-24T09:50:00.000-07:00

WTF?

2005-08-03T08:35:00.000-07:00

Erm.... it has been a pretty screwed up time la.. i mean its like bring stuck in a vortex. U wont know when its ending. Arh.... its a pretty decent mindfuck that i havent really encountered in such a long time (hello! hello hello hello hello!) its more like dragging your pitiful, sorrowful and ultimately fucked self halfway across the expressway and back again. Daily mindfucks obviously dun come for cheap becoz your mind plays dearly for it, so much so that it functions a shade too slowly and a full step behind.

Its like bring drunk when all you're had is people shoving their displeasure and unhappiness right at you. And not knowing what to say at the correct tim, i mean i'm pretty convinced that i'm not the only arse that does that but i'm the ONLY dude who commits this like 90% of the time. Eh yeah i'm messed up but strangely amused la by my incompetence.

Shit, i'm turning into gao la.

Anyways i guess i'll be fine la. soon. in the near future. possibly when i look back and think back, i'd dimiss this as a laughable part of my life that i wont wanna repeat. But then i'd probably might not make it out of this vortex la.

Needs Help Er... Soon

2005-07-21T10:35:00.000-07:00

Eh... well i've decided to change my blog skin and stupidly in the process lost all my links and now i'm at a dead's end as to how to insert links like erm... friends links... how!?

I really need help la.. thanks in advance to all the kind souls out there.

Anyway erm just finished cleaning and detox-ing my hall bunk la. So any of you homeless peeps can crash as and whenever u like. I mean there's a fridge, hot water and everything so feel free to make yourself at home la.

Just try not to finish all the beer alright? Leave some for the very kind people who bought them.

eh..nothing much to say today i guess. Just erm if you caught Sin City and Batman Begins and really liked them both, u'd might wanna keep a lookout for this new Batman series written by the legendary Frank Miller who created Sin City and penned most of the dark knight's most enduring stories. Its a take on Marvel's Ultimate X-men series which sets the heroes in todays context, which means they make out instead of going to the movies if they were teens and erm.. i guess they still stay at home and watch soap dramas like 'Days of Our Lives' if they were past fifty. But u get the point la right? Eh just keep a look out for it la....

Next week might be abit of a werid week

2005-07-20T10:48:00.000-07:00

Well, next week i'm officially starting school la... ands its a duanting prospect. To be honest, this daily slacking and bumping around seems to have finally taken its toil on me. I dun think i'm in the right frame of mind for it to ever stop.

Fortunately for me, reality will kick in and soon i'll find myself surrounded by books written by people who i've never heard of and titles which are profoundly confusing. Attending and falling asleep during lectures will probably become some sort of routine. Eh, in fact being asleep and not wanting to attend lectures might just overtake the pervious routine sooner than i think! I mean given my proven track record, i'm sure alot of those creeps...ah i mean peeps will probably agree with me la.

To tell the truth, it really is a daunting prospect.

Anyway, go watch Sin City if any of you got any chance la. Its pretty impressive, abit long but i'm guessing its becoz of the direct translation from comic to big screen. You have to look at some of the shots, i swear they came straight from the pages of A Big Fat Kill. The violence was surprisingly graphic, yet stylish at the same time, its like it would be way too cool if you punched someone in real life and the blood just splatters all across your face and hands and all over the floor,leaving behind a dangaling head drenched in a red mess . WooT! And Marv is the ultimate killing machine, not to mention the coolest one as well.

Yeap so do catch the movie la. Eh am waiting for Willy Wonka ("Everything here is edible, including me. But that would be cannablism") and going to catch Crash (which should be pretty interesting la, with such a cast as well) as well. Till then, i hope sch will treat me well la.

The Final Countdown

2005-06-29T11:56:00.000-07:00

This past month and a half has been good i suppose. I caught up with my insatisable appetitie for films, read a couple of good books, graphic novels. Recorded our first demo which despite the disasterious results, it was a much needed wake up call and re-evaluation of our music. I mean who gets in right the first time? Those who did probably had to face up to the inevitable task of having to up the ante, which might result in some kind of mechanism backfiring due to the stress and expectations involved.

Arghh.... anyway the band's not doing much now with our beloved drummer having the time of his life smoking hash and snogging european babes while the four of us remain here in sunny and boring singapore anxiously awaiting for his grand return so we can indulge in that weekly habit of ours. On the band note, most of the new shit hasnt even been dissussed yet, mainly due to the fact that Mrgao has locked himself up in this laboratory of his and has refused to unlock the approximately 12 locks that reside on his drawbridge until the sudden enlightenment of several quality material. Failing which, he might transmorph into this green 'thing' complete with horns and paws, or otherwise known as 'The Incredible Sulk' and throw a well.... huge fit i guess. *shrugs* Till then, the band waits patiently for it's lords.

Well then, i think i've verved abit off track la. Was supposed to talk bout my recent interlectual conquests. Eh movies first yeah?

1. Nobody Knows - A Japanese story which stars a 14 year old kid who conicidentally beat Mr Tony Leung for the best actor at Cannes. Yeah, i know this had been paraphrased a couple of more times than often but itsabsolutely fitting considering his performance. This dude actually manages to carry almost the entire 2hours of the film and its no easy feat even for established professionals these days. The story is bout a single mum who unwittingly/unwillingly leaves her 4 kids to fend of for themselves, the focus then shifts to the survival of the 4 sibilings. Its abit draggy but the nice bits definitely more than makes up for it, with the suitcase sences particularly striking. All in all, a very watchable and touching show and as my bro, Chiameng, noted, great male actors are so much harder to find.

2. I Heart/Love Huckabees - An existantial comedy that pokes fun at alot of things, namely counsuelling, office politics, left-wing politics, the ying and yang, pretty much the universe and the ensuring chaos that one brings to himself. Stars Jason Shwarztman (the dude from Rushmore) and Jude Law (complete with an american accent, THIS u gotta see). 2 goofy, immensely likable characters who may seem different but are unfortunately more alike than they think they are. Amindst all that questioning and answering, this quirky film is deep. Not Deep Throat deep but deep, as in has depth.*geez*. So watch it with an open mind and who knows who u might find.

3. Good Will Hunting - Another existential one, except this one just breathtakingly, painstakingly good. As you all would have known, it gathered (i think) the Academy for best screenplay and best supporting actor. Now i know i've dissed the awards before but this film gave me hope that it still functions like its supposed to. *and when they finally finally give Martin Scorsese that coveted trophy, then i'll be a convert*Its a simple story about a young, arrogant, tormented yet frighteningly gifted individual (Will Hunting) whose struggles with choices and grapples with the law force him to confront his demons and eventually learn to respect his life and others. Matt Damon plays the lead with such conviction that you truely feel for him throughout, and Robin Williams is the steady hand that guides not only him out of his doudrums but also convince himself to look beyond the past. I cant gash enough about this one, you gotta watch it to believe it i guess? : ) Oh and erm Ben Affleck was pretty impressive as the good brother and friend in need, churning some much needed sense into Will at the crossroads of his life. (eh..in short he CAN act la)

4. Memento - If Batman Begins was your cup of tea, then Memento might prove to be a tricky one, even though its from the same director Christopher Nolan. The film unfolds itself backwards which is pretty innovative i say and the fact that the main actor suffers from short term memory lost which means that he cant make new memories even though he *sorta* remembers the past and he has to write things down to remind himself, makes the story intense and full of abrupt twists and turns. Its a neat thriller that involves cheating, lying, and (self) manipulation which dosent ties itself up nicely at the end, yet i felt strangely satisfied. Hmm.....

5. Shuan of The Dead - HEh heh heh. British film. (WOon ALert!) Its not a spoof but a paraody of most zombie films. Great, great fun. Has all the deadpan, dry british humour. The classic pinky and the brain pairing. A love story (gone wrong then corrected) thrown into the mix. Having said so, i have no bloody idea why it was banned or rather not screened in SINgapore in the first place. I mean there isnt any particular violent and disturbing sences, there wasnt any nudity nor sex, or was there a bloody picture of David Beckham. Eh? ok sorry one was abit off. Yeah, i mean people need to see funny shows like these. Geez.

6. La Mala Education : One bad turn deserves another - Possibly the finest male actor on the face of the Earth started in this. Who, you are asking? Why, its Gael Garcia Bernal*refer to a couple of preivous posts back* thats who. Anyway thats just imh(umblest)o, so if you disagree, i can't really say anything eh? A brilliant and beautifully shot film, with quite an extra ordinary story line to boot. Pedro Alamadovar is damn skilled. Bernal plays a boy who falls for another boy at their missionary school, but selfish head priest only wants him for himself and gets rid of the third party. Years later, the exiled boy has carved a name for himself in the world of film making when Bernal sudden shows up with a script that details his entire childhood experiences. Wat happens next is a mystery, an unrequited love story, redemption and revenge all processed into the final half, leaving an open ended finale which is really expected after all those surprises.

I think i'm really starting to have a think for spanish. i think its a pretty beautiful language and i might pick that up if i have the chance, who knows it might come in handy if i visit the Nou Camp or the Bernabu someday. heh.

Yeap. Anyhows, these are just some of the films i've watched over this period la. i cant possibly write down everything right? but some of the more memorable ones will definitely have a place in my film history. Taxi Driver, Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind *the only one that i've watched twice and still wanna watch again* , Lost In Translation, Fight Club, ChungKing Express, Amorres Perros (Love's A Bitch), Trainsppotting, The Virgin Sucides, not to forget Batman Begins, and the epic Lord of the Rings and The Pianist as well. Eh i think there are loads more (i hope). i'm probably just writing this down so that i can at least remember some parts of them as i'm typing. Hah, the sweetness.

The novels that defined a genre

2005-06-20T10:27:00.000-07:00

Actually i was refering to graphic novels; this technical jargon, which is not favoured by the comics obsessed who prefer their seperate issues, however seems to have more of a connection with me i guess. Its like reading a novel but at half the time and twice the fulfilment(well some great novels still have the edge).

The story unfolds like a movie shooting storyboard but with the most detailed descriptions.

The language and conversations can rival some of the best films that i've seen. (and also becoz u can reread them if you're abit lost)

And its a medium thats full of inventive possiblities, not unlike films. First person views, Sniper shots, ambitious stories that rely entirely on speech bubbles and not use any sub-texts nor show wat the character is thinking. And the angles of the frames, you could zoom in and out at will, create an alternate universe just like that.

And with the endless stream of writers, drawers, inkers, texters and labels. Who are you gonna trust? Of course there are people like Stan Lee who almost single handedly saved the Marvel corp by agreeing to a timely rehash of our favourite neighbourhood spidey. But its usually the writers who breathe life into the stories, and there are certainly a few amazing ones to chose from. Neil Gaiman, Alan Moore and Frank Miller basically form the core of my reading material. In Fact, i think i'm extremely biased towards them.

and here are some relovutionary works that u might wanna check out.

1. The Dark Knight Strikes Back - Frank Miller.

1st published in the late eighties, round 1988. Bats is Bruce wayne, complete with moustache and greying sideburns, Commissioner Gordon counts his days to his retirement and Gotham remains as polluted and crime-infested as before. One by one, the captives in Arkham Asylum are freed on the pretense that they have been cured psychologically. In a predictable move which sees Bruce Wayne reinstate himself as batman and returns to clean up the streets, the story then focues on the political chaos that the dark knight brings with him. This eventually intertwines with the fate of his eternal enemies, The Joker and Superman. The finale is a grand romp worthy of the best fight ever, and 1 of the finest twists i've ever come across.

2. V for Vendetta - Alan Moore.

Alan Moore is a writer of extraordinary skill, that i'm absolutely sure of when i read the Watchman, but after going thru this title, i was awe-struck.

The New England is a facist country, ruled by propaganda and mass brain washing. When a mysterious character,V threatens the entire infrastructure of the 'government' in a valiant effort to quench his thirst for personal revenge, the country is thrown into limbo. Political ambitions, double-crossing acts and an obsessed affection for a machine are merely tools to be used in his trade for a new world...... There's just too much to cover here. Do read the book yeah? or wait for the movie which will star Natalie Portman. (Woon Alert). Terribly sorry if i shortchanged u but the more i think bout the story, the more i realised i could never summarise it properly so...just read the bloody book la.

3. Batman: Year One - Frank Miller.

This one is much easier. In a nutshell, the starting point of Batman and Gordon, who's just a new lieutenant in a new town. Gotham. Its as much about Gordon as it is about Batman, and conicidentally the new movie takes alot of references here, which is no surprise given the amount of depth put into it. Highly recommanded.

4. Sandman Series - Neil Gaiman.

Morpheous, the prince of dreams, captured and imprisoned for 70 years. When he finally escapes and wrecks torment on his captors, he realises that he is much weakened and requires his 3 tools to fully regain his abilities. This follows with a meeting with John Constantine, the famous chain-smoking demon hunter, a trek to hell and face to face with Lucifer Morningstar himself and the confrontation of the one who has mis-used his lifeforce ruby to his own selfish and wicked needs. Strangly, the sandman feels empty and inadequate, that is until his Sister who happens to be Death takes him on a tour of her working hours and shows him that there is in fact much to be done and alot more to accomplish.

And this is only book 1 of a 9 book series.

So wat else can i say? Once again.... go read them la.

Disappointments abound.

2005-06-16T08:32:00.000-07:00

Today, we got back the recording that we did on mon.

The whole recording had 7 songs.

1. "Capo Song" - Reason being i play this using a Capo, so......
Upbeat, bouyant song. Famously driven by Woon's catchy-like-hell basslines and the Chang master's ability to lay a smooth groove. Introspective lyrics make for an interesting and arresting listen. Features the "Wah" pedal, a fearsome tool that makes psychedelic pancakes out of any guitar. Potential crowd pleaser.

2. Selling Sue
Slow burner, sounds suspiciously like Oasis's "Wonderwall" (to Woon that is). First song written, melody by yours truely, lyrics by mrgao. Soothing and light intro with keys playing a prominent role, then moves into 2nd gear with the introduction of a heavier guitar sound and hyper melodic bass in the 2nd verse. Finally transits into full throttle for the bridge, where i go mental with the distortion and so does everyone else really. (REALLY!) sprinkle abit of feedback at the end and before that another round of the chorus, and eventually fading out with the leading piano verse.

3. Letting Go
A fast one, with Chang's pounding and the ultra dancable and funky bass providing a perfect impertous to rock out. Derrick's song. About (i think) people, conicidentally women, who can't seem to see wats infront of then most of the time. Breakdown portion in the mid, where the vocals take centre stage, which leads to a finale rock out. Gao's pick-a-note is simple yet affecting.

4. Forget (the song formerly known as fallin' down)
Unfortunately i sing on this one (thats right, Woon!), so it should tell you that i wrote it yeah? but i guess u already know that, so er, i'll try not to harp on that. A slow, short, snappy song bout a failed relationship, actually it could be bout forgetting how to understand others, in fact it could be bout being completely and utterly lost. ANYhows, its short (2:40) has the usual verse chorus, verse chorus but with a delay cum distortion blowout right smack at the end. mrgao conjurs up this marvellous tune to rival my maniac strumming. (actually mine sounds better but yeah, nvm) Oh and finally, eh did i mention it was written by me?

5. For You
Another one by Derrick. Should be our slowest song. Quite simply, a tasteful tune (althought its in the Am,C,G formatt) one that speaks of unbreakable love for someone (i think). Being thrown into the mix are the plain, full sounding bass, slowmo breakbeats-eques drums, some guitar sliding and a plainative plucking pattern. Coupled with a blasting, uplifing chorus, this is probably the most cringe-worthy song (due to subject matter) we've done. heh.

6. Insomia
One that crawled out of a bass riff. Starts off with a swirl of string scratching, followed up with some wicked effects and then the riff kicks in. Sparse guitar notes litter the template while the drums and bass create this repetitive wall of sound which allows Gao to rant bout the passive influence of the media, and how it whores up the most of us. The crushing chorus is punctated by harsh noises from both guitar and bass, and inthe end, there's a sudden urgency, a cold mad rush that sees us speeding up to nearly twice our speed before breaking up for air. Lyrically, one of our strongest.

7. Rhapsody in C.
A demo song really, 1 with a nice tune. half done but its getting there.

But, whoever knew that they were never gonna sound like that in the copy that we recieved.

I mean yeah i agree with the guy that there's alot to be done with the way our band sounds, and i guess we were all awefully nervous and painfully awkward at our first recording, and we need to work on bridges more and i probably need to fucking play better (becoz he obviously dosent like my guitar playing at all and buried it deep, deep, deep within the mix.) but did we deserve this?

I'm just confused, i have absolute confidence in our songs and all thats left is to make proper, decent recordings so that people can hear what we are about. I'm not asking for too quality professional recordings but at least the recordings should prossess some key characteristics of each song eh?

Its probably just that i'm deeply disappointed, sad even. See, i'm so sad that i've utter a single 'fuck' in this whole page. Opps, that makes it 2 i guess. i just want people to hear our songs for wat they really are, for what they are really worth.

Its terribly frustrating, yet one day, i'll take those songs and make them sound like wat they really should sound like.
I Fuken Swear.

Hello Tomorrow

2005-05-27T11:56:00.000-07:00

"Hello Tomorrow" conicidentally is this song by Karen O of the yeah yeah yeahs fame, and was feature in this adidas commerical showcasing the new adidas 1 shoe. The one that started with this guy in bed and ended with this guy back in the same bed, abeit entering it from the top in a side ways view.

and having gotten that out of the way...... arh feels like i havent been here for a long time. Its all dusty and the cupboards give off this weird musty scent. anyway, hello tomorrow's a pretty nice tune, its cool chillout music to play at lounges or at home.

Anyway...

its a shame eh? i mean i havent really done anything since i've started clearing leave and my fitness is probably as bad as before i've enlisted. i havent written anything new and i'm bordering on getting 10 hours of sleep everyday which cant be classified as anything good eh?

in short i've been short cutting myself.. and wat am i gonna do with it yah? i think nothin la.

in short, i've never been in such a time wasting, time lazing, absolute bliss in such a long time. probably for a good 20 years.

and i'm thinking i'll never get to slack off like this ever again so y waste this glorious opportunity eh?

i like my logic

Top Ten things accomplished thus far

2005-05-22T11:51:00.000-07:00

1. Watched Arsenal beat manu on fucking fucking Fucking fucking penalities.

2. Saw Manu play like the old manu for the first time in many a blue moons.

3. Did countless backflips when ruud man missed for the how many times.

4. Had sid send me this msg: "balls to you manu bitches"

5. which i unfortunately did not reply with a curt. "fuck you".

6. Instead i promptly asked him to thank his bloody keeper for saving that penalty.

7. ............. not that i can think of any at the moment.......

Top Ten Things to Accomplish Before the Start of (well) School

2005-04-23T13:08:00.000-07:00

1. Make an effort to sleep early every night.

2. Make an effort to wake up early everyday.

3. Make an effort to run / swim / some form exercise besides typing stuff at least thrice a week.

4. Learn guitar theory.

5. Finish writing all the nonsense thats in me, so i can jolly well forget bout them and start conjuring new ones. neat excuse eh?

6. Come up with nicer sounding guitar parts.

7. Write daily, just pain scribbling and random thoughts. just to keep sane.

8. Read more books!

9. Learn to take nice pictures.

10. be kinder, more responsive and ultimately less lazy.

getting delayed by the traffic and blaming it on the weather

2005-04-16T11:25:00.000-07:00

hmm.. havent posted here in awhile. Perhaps the only significant event that happened (beside the fuking thief of my near mint digital camera) would be the release of new order's well brand-sparklinh new ablum! Waiting for the Sirens' Call.!.!.!.! No

i mean its pretty amazing how they dealt with the aftermath of having to survive an untimely and early death of a very crucial and charismatic frontman. And then having to drag their record company back into the black again, then breaking up, and hating each others guts to come 1 full circle to realise that nothing will ever sound like whatever that the 3 (core) of them will come up with. Its like when the 4 of them are in a room, and someone hits a beat or plays a riff, the molecues start vibrating at a different temperature (shameless rip-off) and things just happen. Now how cool is that?

Of course that are the cynics who cant seem to stop making pointed references to the lyrics of most new order songs and how they've milked dance pop dry and turned it into something out an outrage in the eighties where well retro ruled the airwaves leading the absolute and acute embarressment today. But for each and every one of them, there's at least 10 people who agree that Joy Division and New Order and not to be taken into the same context, essential the same band but extremely seperated. They are a great band, and as some have mentioned repeatedly have nothing to prove to anyone or anything.

alright enough of the retro stuff eh, well i did manage to sit through the whole, yesh the entire 'Colour Blossom'. And if you're looking for a flesh parade this movie wouldnt be that appetizing. Erm... yeah.... OK! If ya really wanna know its like soft porn, happy? *chokes* Unfortunately, its pretty well shot. The colours are bold yet menacing and unrelenting when they're supposed to. Like this damn sence shot in the pouring rain with a concrete passageway as a backdrop, quite nicely done. The story's abit about being psychotic and possessive at the same time, so thats where the SM comes about. In short? If you wanna feast on erm kenny bee's ex-wife assets, u've better of waiting for some dude to post them on the net. However, if you wanna see nice visuals and well stuff, just go watch lo.

I caught Spanglish yesterday leh, and its not too bad lah. Funny but poigant, though i missed a good wat 20 mins? basket. Its about.... good people i guess and how they're bounded not only by wat they have but also wat they dun have. Hmmm...yeah + )

Watched Chain today, and voila! missed the first 20 mins which included (i can only speculate) the only godspeed you! black emperor track. And this streams from not hearing anything that sounded like them in the entire movie and reading the credits in the end that spelled "opening theme provided by....." basket. Stupid winning eleven's fault. I was pretty much hyped up for the show, so much so that i actually knocked off 15 mins after i came in. Couldnt help it, i missed maybe? 10 mins? Its not really a movie, more like a docu-insight kind of a film. The entire film ran on this collage of screen shots and narative provided by this 2 very lonely and out of-sync women. 1's a jap working abroad, the other's a canadian leaving her family. Well adapting's the word here i guess and the fact that where-ever you go, it doesnt matter at all. Coz almost every screen shot looked like they were from the same place, until the end credits informed me that the footages were taken from 10 distinct countries. Its the state of your mind that does the trick, and how it would try its best to drift you into better conditions if you let it.

Honestly, i couldnt wait for it to finish. Until i couldnt stop thinking about it even after dismissing it as crap. There's a very ambient sort of feeling to it thats hard to shake off.

yeap thts probably the first of hopefully many to come more to come. There's Danny Boyle, Wim Wenders, Shuqi, and possibly some korean flicks. No seriously, if ya'll have abit of time, do check out the Singapore Film Fest 14 - 30th April, tixs at sistic. (which sells tixs to PCK the musical as well) (which has no bearing or relation to watever i'm talking about) ( except this twin couple who spent a good 10 mins choosing seats then NOT buying any of them)

(hai)

bastard

2005-03-31T05:05:00.000-08:00

this week's been a fraud, total complete waste of time. i'm in some serious shit at the moment and i have absolutely no idea how to get out of it........ my dad's camera which i forgot to bring back from camp has been stolen. till now i'm not confident that i can claim it back. its one of the worst periods ever. like fucking everyone else's trouble-free and having the time of their lives.

its all fucked up, beyond comphrension

and i''m probably gonna get it good from my dad.... .. in short i'm a goner....

good luck i guess.....

2005-03-27T10:09:00.000-08:00

"So this is permanence - love's shattered pride
What once was innocence, turned on its side
Grey cloud hangs over me - marks every move
Deep in the memory of what once was love" - joy division - twenty four hours

This is pretty exquisite leh......

hai..

"So this is permanent, and i'm running on air" - joy division

2005-03-26T05:57:00.000-08:00

yesterday we had a good jamming session, trashed out some shit and sort out some other stuff. yeap sometimes such things make you wanna be in a band, just so that things happen and things move. i dun think anyone has the capability to go at anything else alone and still succeed, u got to have people around you just so they act as airbigs when you're on the verge of tripping over.

or when u feel like taking a breather from yourself.

watch amorres perres *love's a bitch in english*, its actually a close examination on the follies and mis-conceptions of love itself lah, like how it extends to relationships between fathers and daughters, men and mistresses, of boys and their brother's wives. the intriguing part is how its all tied together by this fatal car accident and how everything and everyone's not the same after that. its so beautifully shot as well, i'm gonna have to watch 21 grams *which is also by the same director* to believe it. And bloody gael garcia bernal is one fucking convincing son-of-a-bitch. i mean at his age and he's already done like films with predo almodovar *bad education*? and the motocycle daries? and yu mama tambien? and he's got that sort of magnetic presence and draw whenever he appears in the screen, and as an added bonus he's pretty dashing as well, imho, i think he'll beat jude law hands down, absolutely hands down, in terms of acting and well original charm i guess.

well i better stop gushing about him lest you pple out there get the fucking wong impression.

i think i'm gonna watch another spanish film afterwards, its a toss between all about my mother and talk to her conicidentaly bout by predo almodovar, i think i'm spolit for choice. i guess i really dig spanish movies, the language is quite amazing as well, u can swear but it dosent sound forcefull or pissed-off, it just rolls off and goes by well unless u absolutely have to scream at someone or sth. its very unlike arh japanese? were mannerisms and pitch makes a lot of difference to the ways things are said. its sounds cool too, so er i might wanna pick it up sometimes.

just to reinforce the point about me being stuck in some 80's rout, i'm starting to believe i truely belong to that era. to explain further, well i just bought meat is murder by the smiths and its quite unbelievable, at the first listen i thought it was rather boring lah, buthen woah, second tme round and the songs sound absolutely engaging, and how soon is now has been a bliss from start to finish. Morrissey is a pretty potent songwriter too : /

guess i can't stop gushing bout guys today, so i might as well just stop now, lest you people get the fucking wrong impression again..........

'if you life is such a big fucking joke then why should i care?' - leif erikson, interpol.

Screams at the top of my lungs

2005-03-22T10:15:00.000-08:00

its scary, well sometimes when i try to think of the future and it just eludes me. i cant seem to pin point and decide on what i might want to do, all i have is a slight indication and glimpses of senarios and cases which might not turn out to be true.

simply put, i'm on this extreme case of worrying, worrying that i'll not be able to cope with university life, worrying that i'll never be able to see beyond tomorrow, worrying that i'll never in a million years write anything as good as what my heroes wrote, as a matter of fact, not even anything that i could stand reading.

its this raging force that is driving me nuts these days just thinking about loads of stuff... its painless yet painful at the same time. A millions of what ifs, and a host of what could have beens float throught my mind almost endlessly, like a steady stream in the nasty ocean. clear, very clear. almost crystal-like.

still, i honestly wish i was born in like the early 80's coz thats when all the good stuff came out. joy division, the smiths, new order, the clash, guns and roses, metallica, pixies, my bloody valentine, the cure, depeche mode. all this shit that translated and evloved into most of the listening material that i shamelessly indule in. i'm convinced that at the very least at that point of time there were a considerable amount of people to talk to about music. Rather than having people nodding in vain to whatever you're saying most of the time now.

then again i'm probably right about this. i'm lonely, dead lonely and making my life more simple and fuss free is the fact that there;s practically no one in my life now, which is quite the brilliant i say.

why the fuck am i so different? i dun really know i guess, i'm not trying to listen to other forms of non commerical, difficult music to be delibrately different, its just well fulfilling and exciting for me. i still get high from listening to the bends, turn on the bright lights and urban hymms and loads of other stuff. i think records do change your life and i bloody believe in that, they're dynamic, intense and fiercely uplifting, not to mention inspirational as well. i dun think u can get bored with music ever, there's always a record, song that u can return to and it'll make evrything else fade out, just for that few mins or hours of bliss.

still, each to his own i guess. i'm just trying to put things right lest people make this assumption that i'm an extremely difficult and wilful person based on the things i've said and done.

i hope we made you sound less bitter than you really are!

really!

*oh yesha feel much much better i now* - alterego voice over, think yoda?

'this is a conquest, this is a bracelet, this isnt no innervention, this is the new year, baby baby, u're really the best.' obstacle 1 - interpol

2005-03-18T09:41:00.000-08:00

well, i cant make out what he's trying to say but still, this particular line is ringing a little too brightly in my mind right now, hence the inclusion as the introduction / headline. Its pretty effective tho, i guess in a sad, longing kind of way, like this might seem to be a conquest for some unattainable goddess. duno.

time really does fly, 2 years ago i was so worried about army life and now its coming it an end, with nary a bang nor whimper, just like the way it started to materialise and leech itself on to my unsuspectinglife. Its undeniable that this has been like a fucking enriching and fulfiling experience, despite all the whinings, laziness, unreasonable datelines and tons and tons of just plain complaining. This life-altering shift in the solars can and should be atributed to the many people around me that made this fun, noisy like hell, as exciting as gone with the wind and not to mention bearable. I'm seriously gonna miss these asses and the amount of nonsense that they bring with them, butden again, its almost, soon time to move on. Where do we go from here? i guess inspite of the fact that the planets are against us and the sea reaks of fear, the only logical solution is definitely forward.

new life, new time, this time i'm gonna lie down and make you watch the stars with me.

the empire strikes this hard worn out blow at me, knocking some much needed sense.

2005-03-14T06:40:00.000-08:00

woah, i'd just watched the second half half of the empire strikes back and i must say i quite enjoyed it tho, despite having seen it close to half a million times when i was like 10. becoz at that age, i had this annoying habit of rewatching shows that touched a nerve at that age, the entire starwars series, he-man, many erm old stephen chow movies.

my condition must have gotten beyond the point of no return, i could practically sprout out the movie lines as they come along and still press the rewind button and sit thru the entire show again without feeling a slightest sense of boredom or sickness.

oh well, i guess i had loads of time in my small hands at that point of time. funny how now that even thought i really want to watch sth i still have to wait for that mood to strike me, or the sudden desire to reappear.

i'm just plain fickle-minded. sometimes i have to force myself to watch sth just so that i do. and most of the time, it actually works i end up appluading at the end, and giving mini standing ovations.

like traffic, the royal tenubuems??, the motocycle dairies and a host of other movies that i cant remember now but love tremendously.

eh i just finished reading sideways and its a really warm book, its just revlvoing around these 2 dudes, one who's gonna get married and the other one who just got out of one. a funny yet charming observation bout pple coming to terms about their current state and quality of life, acceptance and eventually embracing whats there for them instead of always wanting to go for something more.

there;s this fuzzy, intimate feel to it and the humour is honestly refreshing and sharp too. definitely recommanded, now all i've got to do is to watch the movie!

some scary conicidence

2005-03-08T08:44:00.000-08:00

just finished listening to the interpol live set that i downloaded from some extremely kind soul who posted it on some forum that truely deserves some form of applause and a huge pat on the back.

having said that, i would like to draw your attention towards paul's voice. its sounds almost like an errie?, fatatlly similar reincarnation of ian curtis. i'm saying this as i have this joy division live cd and they sound absolutely alike. From the way they strain their voices, to the breathing pauses and short puntuacted short burst gasps. its uncanny and terrifying at the same time, one hand their trying extremely hard to dispel any similarities with JD with the superb and melodic 2nd ablum which found banks actually ultising his voice to mesmerizing effect on all those songs, with mood swings, tonal nasal-ness. But once live, they seem to find it hard to exorcise the ghosts of yester-years, which is a real petty coz they are quite exceptional in front of an audience.

perhaps i'm over stretching things but i cant help picture Ian fronting interpol and paul standing alongside peter hook and bernand. its mind warping yet insanely possible. Lets say if you compared lyrics, their fractured sense of timing and seemingly non-chalance to tossing and mixing words aound share this similar ground. One which explores the often discuessed and mis-understood region of the unpredictable human behaviour towards this sickening thing called 'love'.

It apparently all boils down to this. Both of them are truely great lyricists, this much i believe and respect them....a hell lot.

daeth rays staring u down

2005-03-05T11:22:00.000-08:00

staring at the nite lights while on a long bus ride home certainly puts me in the mood for some sideways thinking. havent had the chance to actually take a such a comforting journey for quite a while, been surrounded with the white walls and grey-stained underground whenever i travel lately.

all of a sudden its really hard for me to pen anything down, its like my thoughts and compositions have just slipped away from althought they were freshly formed just a couple of hours ago.

wat i Wanted to say was i thought genius comes packed with a hefty price tag. be it the drugs, womanizing or some form of unmentionable sin, like suicide. Ray charles, lennon, ian curtis, kurt cobain, jim morrison, john frusicante. there's always this catch thats traded for unsurpressed authenticalcy(??), this side-step that sometimes oversees the entire point. Anyways, i cant think of any tragic authors nor politicians(thank fucking hell).

All this came from watching Ray yesterday and being absolutely speechless at the end, suitably captivated from start to finish(not quite tho, came in late and missed the first 5 mins, then missed the next 10 desperately trying to find R20). yeah its the typical overcoming your demons and having to deal with a tremendous amount of shit thrown in your life kind of story but then again, this one's a true one *ok wait most of such stories are based on true stories......my bad*. Its just hard to pin down wat makes it that fantastic, maybe its the acting, or the fact that jamie won an oscar, or the horribly heart-warming, fuzzy feeling that it gave me when i stepped out of the cinema. Makes u gush like some 3 year old getting tickled.

i realise i've been listening to most of the same stuff all over and over again, which is really unhealthy but i just cant seem to stop. lioke mixing things up and discovering that 'young ones' by suede followed by 'karma police' by *i'm sure this band needs no introduction* and finished off with 'tender' by blur makes a pretty potent ablum closer combo.

dun think so?
hmm...

calm, fitter, healthier and more productive

2005-02-28T09:33:00.000-08:00

So sideways didnt win anything from the oscars, and depp wasnt even remotely close to tipping jamie fox to a best actor nod. Still, there was alot more to cheer about. for starters at least the aviator didnt clean sweep everything. har har. : )

i guess its safe to say that even though the oscars are like the ultimate compliment u can pay to someone of the same field, since its been decided by people within the industry, i've always felt that the panel was this bunch of pussies who couldnt put up a decent fight with regards to anything. its almost fool-proof and transparent who's going home with the golden man, and who's gonna flash his big shiny and practised smile EVEN in the face of defeat. honestly the best way to silence people like me is to show us the all the behind the sences of bitching, cat-fighting just so as to convince us that decisions are being made in the best, most humanely possible manner.

regardless, movies are very much part of my life i guess, unfortunately, i was never gifted with such a talented and knowing eye or knack for taking something in a frame and transporting whatever that needed to be said across to other people. i dun think i could make an "eternal sunshine of the spotless mind", or "lost in translation", its just.... too massive.

FUCKED-UP

2005-02-12T09:54:00.000-08:00

why are pple so fucking fucked up? its the way they brush you aside and humour ur fragile yet sincere attempt at recreating watevers that been gone or left behind. the way they type, "oh okie" after u've laid bare ur sick, fucking unbashed feelings on the oh fucking table. its the way they tend to ignore the facts and pretend that the past didnt exist, in fact it was just a fucking childish game, this one. its none of their fucking business. and its all mine, mine to shoulder, to bare. shit its crazy how selfish someone can turn into. its like punching someone just by the look on his face, sheer unreasonability. i feel like this fucking stupid person right now. i hate talking thru mediums, i disgust technology and loath the way u can absolutely mask yourself from anything that's affecting you behind that veil of cyberspace. fuck, its just... unfair...so fucking unfair.
so fucking unfair.

but its probably me. i'm always the loser, the one that loses everything in the end, the worrier, the saddest single fuck i've met in my entire life. i cant bare to lose. thats it, i'm just another sore loser. i cant take defeats as they come, and i'm daft as soap when its comes to this. and it always comes to this, this fucking this. shit.

and the worst part? i know i'll be fine tml, like "hey, MOK, fuck off". thats the worst part, i'm immune to depression, been experiencing it since 2002. all the fucking way back.

i feel like shit really. i hate it when i feel this way.

dazed and confused AGAIN! the horros!

2005-02-10T10:21:00.000-08:00

i've gone and ruin all the fun. Seems that i've always been doing it.

For good measure, picture a group of pple being snapped when comsuming buffet food, unknowingly, everyone else knows when to turn and smile towards the camera without having a swelling by the side of your mouth, making you look like someone with a very overgrown turmour bside ur lips.

in fact, notwithstanding the one with my shoe view, i look like crap in photos. could be due to the photographer's fault, but then again, 20 years and not one single acceptable image? could be the lighting, the sun, angle? i tell ya wat. its all down to 1 simple, logical, and self-explaintry reason.

i CAn'T freaking smile.

nooooo.. not that i cant do it but there's no way u're convincing me that this teeth-baring action actually resembles a decent smile? i mean whether i dun reveal any teeth isnt the point, the point is i look insanely aweful if i "smile-yeshh the action* and that directly contributes to the fact that i can never appear good in print. and if i dun bare my teeth, i'd probably end up with a straight horizontal line cutting across my face. which makes me look like this : /

okayyy, maybee not tTHAT horizontal. that explains why i would rather not be the object but the one capturing it.

besides, its nearly impossible to take a good shot of ahemm, me. 20 years of experimenting with all sides, frontal, full body, half, snap shots in of the moment, top view, nekid (arh, did i just say that? Nvm), even back for goodnesses's sake and nothing can or is willing to work. hmmmmz, but wait there, i er take back the 20 years thing, supposedly it should be about eh 14 years maybe? becoz when i was a baby i didnt look that ugly in photos, well at least my mum still keeps them in a good place.

Yikes! i get it, this whole situation in the very first place, steams from the very first time where i had my very first tooth (teeth) replaced by my very unsightly, very prominent and extremely embarressing 2 fucking front teeth.............

yeshhh, its all making sense now. i mean if its like erm.... ______ <------*name of some dashingly handsome movie star sharing the same fate, cant think of any, well maybe u can help?* yeah like ifs its nots sos freakings erm weird i wouldnt even mind....... but for fuck's sake it bordering on idiocracy! and ruining my entire profile! people assume i cant speak without adding shh sounds at the end of every sentence! young, innocent 6,7 year olds are terrified of the fearsome Roger Wabbit! *yeshh thats down right insulting, but this is way too fun to stop* i might knock into a glass plane if i leaned just abit too much and unfortuantely its not my nose that recieves the impact! people pass me carrots on the streets! and then they sae, "eh, wats up doc?"!

oh NoO-shh, the hoorro-sh! the unimaginable agony-shh! how? HOw-shh?

well one fine solution would be not take any more pictures and spare myself the hardship of going through these intsense and painful spasms every damn time.

wait....... dosent that mean i have to ban mirrors? oh! no, its pictures we are taking about here right.

well there gooes my life-long dream of appearing on at least the cover of some music magazine and being proclaimed the next ahem BIG thing or the new ________ <------- erm *radiohead? interpol? you know all my influences, its a BLOODY dream, they aren't supposed to happen unless u put in extreme hours and mircules*
wat am i gonnma do?

TAKKKE THEEMMMM OFFF!!!!!
*or at least straighten them?*

there she goes, my beautiful world

2005-02-05T09:43:00.000-08:00

insanely addictive, like freaking champion manager and winning eleven 8.

bloody hell.

random things to accomplish in life

2005-02-04T10:26:00.000-08:00

1. Record an album of songs worthy of contention for albums-to-be-put-on-serious-rotation. If its good enough to make me wanna hear it over again and again, its probably not that well bad i suppose.

no really, i hope to record some of our stuff at least sometime into my university education. making of the free and harmless facilities at the faculty should make this a relatively viable possiblity. plus i have like 4 other crazed and hopelessly idotic bandmates who will probably not mind helping me stunt the required stuff and shamelessly abuse them for our evil needs.

brilliant.

2. Write a book, novel, pan-fiction, short stories, scripts. Arrghh! Fer fuck's sake, just bloody something. been wanting to do this since what? a couple of off-key centuries ago but i have never, never stopped and actually considered sitting down and penning down some drafts or ideas and see how it develops and branches out into something quite the different.

its like experimenting with taste.

its the complete experience, becoz u cant simply try everything and still manage to form an informed yet insured opinion on the next dish. the numbing of the taste buds and diluting of the sensitivities make it difficult to acertain between something that sounds right to something that is right.

first hand take on sentences, proses and the complex structures that might link and evolve into something well quite the different. There's this warm glow and genuine astonishment that i should be hunting for when i attempt something this dramatic.

instead i'm hoping the eventual reader dosent give up on me, after the wat? 5th line?

3. make a short film. *see above*

of courrrse. its definitly more taxing and exhausting but its should really pay off in the end.

restored to some sense of normalcy argghh, cant spell

2005-01-31T09:17:00.000-08:00

its feels amost too comforting to be back on home soil. still havent adjusted to the surroundings as yet, the past few days have been a real blur, a warped movement. like time travel did exist and just a couple of minutes ago, i was still back in that posh-like hotel in new zealand.

terribly out-of-sync.

but i guess u tend to feel this way whenever theres this short period of time given to try to fully enjoy and absorb most of tis foreign stuff. and then there;s the rush, the fanatic photo-taking, and the senseless hunting for stuff to bring back to pple. there's simply isnt enough time for absorbing and reflecting on the sights itself. i mean the buildings and the sprawling landscape are definitely worth taking it all in. yet, there seems to be an incredible shortage of time to actually be avle to do that.

or maybe its just the fact that i didn;t really have the momentum coming to do this. i feel extremely tired now, and it could be becoz i've been awwake since 3 am, SING time.

or maybe its because i thought about way too many things. distractions that cloud my mind often and its definitely not on purpose that i keep having to sink into such wayward and past memories.

terribly and suitably terrified.

i mean WHAT IN THE WORLD AM I DOING JUST THINK ING BOUT SUCH STUFF?

u see i can never get it right not in a million fucking years. i guess thats no other way to look except forward. so lets just get on with it shal we?

leaky, leaky

2004-12-31T10:10:00.000-08:00

woah. i've been having this leaky nose since i stepped back into the house. dun think its the house fault tho, more to do with the pesky, rainy and unpredictable weather. yet, its pretty damn lucky that it still hasnt rained on that outrageous party thats going on at sentosa, despite the pouring afternoon and thunderstorm after thunderstorm. but the fact is it should have rained and spoil the seemingly pointless party atmosphere, why? i really cant explain it in detail.

but the awful yet true fact that close to 100,000 pple are dead in another part of the world certainly deserves our attention rather than the strobing lights and mindless jumping about.

read this article which states that theres some sort of a minute of slience dedicated to the pple who have lost their lives and the relatives and friends who have lost a vital part of their lives as a result. well at least this makes the world still a slightly better place to live in.

exceptions to those Nudniks who have absolutely no idea what they are doing.

Its christmas eve and i've only got 2 fucking presents

2004-12-24T09:59:00.000-08:00

well thats not particularly true though, just a fantastic line from one blink 182 song...pretty brilliant eh?

i havent gotten any.

ah the life. not that i'm whining or anything, just sorta came to my mind. so pls do not assume anything. anyways if you dun give, i guess u dun receive. so all's fair.

almost everything's under the waters now. lots of unfinished business and recurring nightmares that haunt the lights out of me. everything up till probably mid feb has been planned for and any slight sort of rearrangement would and could cause such a major hiccup that would result in a massive reconstruction of the entire heirarchy. in short, its sth like one fine i wake up and find i've lost my sense of hearing, its that tragic.

no wait, its too dramatic to be phase that way. its more like i've woke up to find my entire cd collection gone. yesh, that sounds and feels politically more correct.

mix tape 1
1. under control - the strokes
2. go to sleep - radiohead
3. sunrise - pulp
4. one with the freaks - the notwist
5. distortions - clinic
6. the humpty dumpty love song - travis
7. alone in kyoto - air
8. whats in it for me - the walkman
9.white light/white heat - velvet underground
10. slow hands - interpolantics *as this cock friend of mine wld put it*
11. street spirit (fade out) - radiohead *best fucking closer ever, period*
12. Lefi eriksson - interpol *2nd best ablum closer ever, y its below the best ever is a good qn. i dun know*

Top of the pouses

2004-12-20T07:49:00.000-08:00

this is it, the remaining 5 left.

5. franz fredinard
absurd, wicked fun. its a romp, and an extremely delightful. music u can actaully rock to, dance to, sing to and lose yourself in. and the best part? they're not british.

4. xiu xiu - fabulous muscles
its erm bulletproof really, so inaccessible and covered with layers that seem so thick and unrelenting. still its a headfuck, but one that leaves u much in a daze and not wanting to listen to anything at all just the sound of feedback and distorted drums.

3. wilco - a child is born.
very much unlike their previous release which was more song based and tradition with subtle hints of a band willing to experiment and play around with diff textures and soundscape. on this one they managed to practically fuck-up most of them songs with a great dash of white noise, senseless minderings, and the most off balanced feedback ever, abiet an extremely beautiful way tho.

2. joy division - closer.
who cares if this isn't this years work. i just found out bout them this freaking year. so that counts.

well its brilliant and oh yar, they ARE British.

1. interpol - antics
well wat can i say about this one. been listening to it non-stop. that good enough? at first it really really sucked, but gradually turned out that i was the one slowly being drawn into its whirlpool. its just everything about them thats so compelling, the chemistry, the right notes the obvious yet seemingly non-chalance when they twist a song around. its the mesmerizing drums and banks voice, i havent got sick of it despite having the urge to listen to it everyday so thats always a good sign.

casually talking bout the end of the world.

2004-12-18T12:01:00.001-08:00

its really been a disappointing year.

i cant really explain it but at least i know its coming to an end, just like the year.

well not moving on has since become something like my forte recently, i'm geniunely stuck. In a rut, in this overclocking wheel cog, where mechanical gears fit so perfectly leaving absolutely no room to escape or move about.

its some form of self-suffocation that i dun particularly encourage.

and wat the fuck's wrong with depressing stuff? it certainly dosent force any misery and provide any form of aid in bringing out the most horrible and near-death experiences in your fucking life. if you're not gonna stand up and admit u need fucking help then no one's gonna be able to help. its just too easy to push it away, brush it aside and leave it to rot.

i m 1 stubborn person

lately, everything's not right. the words dont come out as they used to and the light aren't shining as bright. could be the month, or could be worse. i'm sick with watever's going on, dead sick with the nausa, the failings, unfocused. the tearing flu-like virus. its easy to say i feel so fucking empty but i think its harder to actually want to experience it.

like even heart strings couldn't resicitate the sound of your failing soul.

dont bother, there are more ways to waste your life.

and i'm not even refering to death, i dun even like to think about it. death is pretty much the end of everything. even not losing sense it would be quite difficult.

i'm lost.

its easy to wake up in the morning but much harder to confirm the vision in the mirror is actually there. brush your teeth and a couple would drop out, hey! put in back, 1 solid click and its in. shave and cut ur skin, apply loads of water and reattach that floppy piece back to its original position, woah lah, its healed.

the common mis-haps that happen to men, and only men becoz more often that not, we are half awake most of the time.

i cant seem to play anything right, i'm officially devoid of any sort of creativity, oh so the self bitching only starts now? i'm afraid so. i'm afraid of screwing up, of embarresement, of not knowing wat to say at the wrong times, of not knowing wat to play at the correct time. i'm out of tune, and step. its easy to complain, to bitch and to shout but wats the fucking use?? its still the facts that count.

yeah i admit. i am selfish, to the point where i cant even think about anyone else, not my family, not friends, not old flames. its just simple: me.

i realised i dun have too much of a choice between taking the train backwards or to lie between the tracks.

some sick shit

a wasted life.

2004-12-18T12:01:00.000-08:00

words of wisdom and truth

2004-12-15T06:55:00.000-08:00

"Where was that confidence? that arrogance that i was so infamous for but showed character of steel, wit and charm that swept girls off their feet? I stand 'naked' in the eye of the beholder."

ahem take good notice of the word 'naked' here, beczuse the person who quoted this likes to be in that state very often, so much so hes willing to sacrifice his sexuality for it...well some pple.

shameless self advertising

2004-12-14T09:01:00.000-08:00

well its been awhile, maybe more than a while but still who the fuck cares?

if this is wat u want then come claim it from me.

10. the observatory - time of rebirth
its the more polished and re-released effort that gets the nod from me. it just sounds more melodic, spacious with killer lyrics AND nice packaging.

9. the verve - this is music
Urban hymms well has been part of my life, wait more than part of my life, close to half of its time being spent in my humble discman which indirectly consitudes to half of my life. having said that, it pretty much explains why its in the list.

8. the streets - a grand dont come for free.
intense, poetic and utterly hilarious stuff from skinner. i mean theres even a song about football betting, which is just a massive web of lies, but he makes it sound like some enjoyable past-time, like hop-sotch.

besides 'dry your eyes' is probably the most sappy, lovesick breakup song. with blur's 'no distance left to run' coming on strong. close

7. the walkman - bows and arrows
blissful, glorious stuff. think i might have mentioned them abit more twice in this place? easily one of the better releases these year(thats why its in the list, damnit)

6. astreal - projection ep.
saw them at baybeats, bought their ablum, went home, and realised i was gazing at the starry, beautiful night. or maybe it was just my celing.

-end of part 1-

the perils of being an underaged pop-rock star

2004-11-04T09:01:00.000-08:00

i'm not the one
Not this simple kind of life
never one to know
wat its like to be part of something good

in distorted realities
i wake up feeling blue
so come on make me now
make-me-up into someone else

i dun like this
i cant keep up on this
i never wanted anything but this.

break me
away
i cant stand alone
without wanting not to fall from grace

give me a
life
of my own
give me diamonds and screaming pple

i dun like this
i cant keep up on this
i e\never wanted nthing more than this

i feel fine

a worthless life

2004-09-12T03:46:00.000-07:00

lately, i've got nowhere to go, and not much to do. been worried sick about some work issues but they've always seem to disappear when the timing draws its the wat, 3rd time bomb scare and its not very amusing.

i think i'm definitely in limbo just that the date and exact time that it has started are unknown. too distant a time and space for me to remember clearly when this wallowing self pity actually started. ah not that i have the most perfect of memories, to give a good approximation of my memory power, lets just sae sometimes watever was relayed to me five minutes ago can turn into yesterdays' news in less than that.

im just incapable of doing anything now, not up to it. depressed and largely incoherent could be due to a large number of unspecified reasons. might be because of the stale music and the inbred inability to do something i really would enjoy. should have stuck with maths.

its like there's this huge possibility that i might end up doing some reporting job or writing draft. sitting in the office, in front of the computer and typing and editing and reviewing stuff. timelines and datelines would eventually make up my whole working whole as i know it. some sick shit.

i think life's permanently evlvoed around waiting. u wait for a sign, for someone , for some desperate gift or advice before u can step and say fuck it i'm moving forward. its probably because i'm as intelligent as a block of fucking wood when it comes to deciphering wat other people want to tell u but cant for fear of some ridiculas reasons watsoever. bascially i cant take hints, i'm much much too slow for that, i'd probably catch a whiff and then fall flat so pls dun let let me guess, i'd fantasize about the most wrong and untrue things, just to satisfy myself. its an egoistic gesture yess but wat could i do?

i can't deal with alot things lately, my emotional health is a wreck. i'm spending time mostly not doing anything. it seems that there my iron lung's punctured and badly abused all the time and i need get it fixed. though im not too sure how.

that forlorn look

2004-08-30T08:27:00.000-07:00

sometimes i wonder if i might just fall one day and not know who am i anymore its not amnesia but more of a brain malfunction and the sudden realization that everythings not the way that u might want it to turn out to be... and that most of the time u're just living in your own sick useless lies. and that the many stuff that u actually care about turn out to be mere illusions.

shit nothings forever is more true than it seems to be to. And once u completely or near completely experience the tragic and inevitable sense of losing it. u just...become unhinged and reluctant to do anything that would seem logical, prefering to reply on in-bulit ultra sensitive sensors that work in such a flawed manner that every other decision that is made is simply laughable. a joke, not to be taken for serious.

its a thrill to get into heads and see how they actually operate and then its just empty, the whole pot. i'm thinking many people do not work with minds but go straight and directly to the heart. where theres a lot less to think about but alot to account for.

headless and useless

2004-08-11T08:30:00.000-07:00

have u ever feel so lost before? its the not knowing what to do and how to do it that irks me to no end. i'm confused, dazed and not responding very well to the bright lights and endless voices. sometimes i think too much and that clouds my ablility to make sound and logical decisions, arguements and even some form of confirmation to convince myself that i'm quite right, or at least close. i always end up missing on the important details.

self-proclaimed understanding of the situation and the someone else is just too easy a statement to make. i'm constantly regretting my decisions now. My points are full of loopholes and have a servere lack of depth. i dun understand why she doesn't want to talk to me or even spend time together. Am i such a boring person, even calling me seems to be quite a chore to her, its not really right to get flustered all angry bout these things but i just can't help it. i know she's real busy and all but somehow i just dun feel assured. its really just me and my insercurities? i hate to let pple down but i always seem to do so, falling short of whatever they ask of me. i clearly duuno wats wrong with my life, its spiralling out of my control too soon, thought that only happens when u get married and everything just follows suit... ha

anyways went to borders today, another interesting point to note is that i'm running out of stuff to listen to all i put on is interpol, joy division, radiohead, the walkman. so i finally bought explosions in the sky, the opening sequence seems promising. hmm can't really find anygood cds today, hmmm guess i'll have to wait for my mood to settle and the dust to collect so that i can sweep it all in one go.

"dance, dance, dance, dance, dance to the radio
dance, dance, dance, dance, dance to the radio"

transmission-joy division

THIS is the way, step inside

2004-08-04T03:23:00.000-07:00

joy division are fucking good, the music is dark, depressing and monotonous. the structures often similar and very uncompromising, its a dead straight route that vanishes beneath your feet. its very much a mood thing, i dun really understand why i;m that much into them, maybe the disturbing nature of their songs are a true reflection of everything thats going on, similar comparisons to this wretched life that many of us lead daily, the horrible grind and stress fractures. the open wounds and gapping holes that u wouldn't be able to fill in this lifetime, no matter how hard u try, some things are just plain irrerversible. like the darkening of the sky and the inevitable rainfall.

forgotten realms of the unseeing

2004-07-18T09:39:00.000-07:00

heya, this is the 3rd and final installment in the highly anticipated and much less visited "the chronicalls of baybeats", thats right as with every epic story, there's definitely 3 parts, and er the introduction of a very suave and rebonded hair hero, with bows and arrows and dashingly good looks (gods have been kind). haha well pretty nonsensical. anyways, today was the last day of baybeats and i witnessed for myself some really good stuff.

1st of all if u can, and trust me on this one can your hands on the new (or rather old but i only know they're selling here) Astreal ep called projection, its a blending, giddy mix of bjork=-like vocals with swirling and escalating guitars, the soundscape is tremendous. :D am idiot to that cd now, the live version isn't half as bad as well but get the cd and hear the onslaught fer yourself.

return to fall, electrico and last day of april are 3 really solid and tight bands but as much as i wanted i didn't get really into them, and was basically just a bystander, nothing more or less. they were all dynamic and loud, had good technics and were wowing the crowd but i wasn't really there i guess, i even left half way thru last day of april's set, maybe its the fatigue level thats getting to me i was lightheaded when i watched electrico play, or perhaps its the oversaturation of music, just too many bands to take note of even breaking them down to wat they sound lke is hard becaoz u've heard so much, too much to have a clear picture. maybe ill try not to try to walk 1oom every half an hour and watch every act next year. hmm.

anyways saw this kid with his head all bundled up with bandages escorted by a flegding squad of 3 policemen and the local sercurity people. he must have smashed his head or sth because there was blood smeared across his yellow shirt, in tears, red-faced and puffy, i couldn't really bear to look but the 1st thoughts were why the hell did this have to happen, i mean festivals aren't supposed to be violent and so are singaporeans, either he was naughty or he really did slip and fall off a cliff. either is equally worse.

thats basically my assessment of baybeats, it was a really good effort and well organised, the sercurity was way too tight still enjoyed myself, till next year then.

skyline view of the place behind chillout stage

2004-07-17T12:19:00.000-07:00

well can't believe i slept for that long today, probably half my life was unfolding without me even realising it, that was how engrossed i was. wasted lots of time there, think maybe i'll try to wake up early on weekends, to run or just simply to irritate my mom whos voice is constantly blaring near my ears trying to revive me from my life's calling.

yup, anyway's watched batman today, not the flashy, overdone sequels (excluding returns, which is class) but the first one, the one with so much less action, darker and more subtle, ultmately still the one. interesting point to note its directed by tim burton, and he's sorta like this weird, different person who has a very good eye when it comes to using colours and forms for his films, which is why i like him so much for his black in batman, pink, green houses in edward, and grainy white, with add dry paint for a nightmare.

saw the observatory today, they played like 3 new songs out of 5, which is to me perfectly correct where else could u get a mixed and varied pool of people to try out new stuff and see for yourselves their shock and hopefully pleasent reactions? but still, there's this longing for them to just rip throught their old stuff, esp after they closed the set with this sad song which is solid, i even sang along, some of his stuff is truly touching, like the "empty the streets of people and you'll find yourself" killer line, made me want to do cartwheels and then slip and fall, sad kind of joy. still wished for more. the new songs are still underdevelpoed i think, coz they are definitly capable of better, but then again maybe its the expectation that was inferred to them in the 1st place.

well saw most of the acts today, venus bufferfly wast the funniest, 5 pretty ladies sounding like a collaboration between britney and arvil, sounds conflicting. 0_o as usual siti's brilliant and unexpectedly, furniture is a top-notch band, u'd never expect instrumentals to sound that fulfiling and mindblowing, esp when i was gazing into the skyline in the background when their white noise just assualted my senses, perfect mindfuck. the best part is u don't even have to watch them play, just close your eyes, its good enough. whence he came was top-draw but i couldn't help wondering if the drummers are wat made this bands look really good, coz they have this personalities like a dynamic frontman, or some guitar god, so the drums natuarally drives them on. thats not too bad an idea but in this way u can't really differentiate between them, its harder when they seem to play the same genre.

erm just badly wants to play better, i'm not really doing much with my doodling. and i'm not really contributing to the band so its really insanely hard to come with soemthing just like that. just have to try.

charming baby, fruit juice, heroes?

2004-07-16T12:17:00.000-07:00

loads of stuff happened today, all in one blur of furry frightening intensity. well maybe its just that i bother to actually remember some of the more pleasing details that i noticed in the midst of all the riot of colours, sound and texture. hopefully, some of them will turn out the way that i wanted them to.

anyways, if u'd haven't seen a baby falling down, and i mean literally , on all fours; maybe u should find the opportunity to do so immediately. its charming, the way those diluted eyes of his just glance around, as if to reassure himself that no one saw that, and the four limbs plastered to the ground, unresponsive and not knowing wat to do next until solid arms just swooped him up and back to the original height(possibly around chest level). throughout the entire ordeal, not even a single whimper was observed, utterly heartwarming.

TV moblie had to freeze on this screen shot today, which consists of a juice extracter, the old type not the shiny and complicated machincal counterpart; with cream-dyed liquid flowing out of its tube. its not the action which irks me, its the previous screen, well basically it wasn't fruits of any sort or anything that was being squeezed, it was a damp and soaking wet cloth, and that was, apperantly, the correct drying procedure. it just stunned itself and was immoblized for a good minute and a half, interestingly sick, sometimes i wonder if they freeze up shots to make a statement, like always use the right tools for the coresponding application.

went to baybeats today, saw return to fall and supermarket heroes, saw crowds swaying and vigourously nodding in accordance to the music. saw group of chinese kids who seem to be either broken clocks, or string puppets with very bad manhandling, they just couldn't seem to connect with the music and were throwing themselves against each other, banging and erupting out of nowhere, seemingly follow another beat or pattern of their own. which leads me to wonder if they jsut doing whatever they are doing just to keep up with appearances because everyone in the main arena was just lapping up everything that supermarket hero was throwing at them, including mindless chanting of phrases, first in noraml mode then in chester-enhanced version, repeating wherever is necessary regardless of melody or any sense for that matter. it just saddens me to no end, is that wat they really want to hear? it was much worse than the sercurity people stepping in to warn the revellers to keep it down, and they were using such force and attitude, u'd think they were dealing with hardcore convicts, which the kids definitely aren't. thankfully someone stood in and questioned their motives and uptightness, i mean, why stop someone from enjoying themselves, especially when they haven't done anything wrong.

its just that the band in attendance was really bad, besides the mindless choroling, the singing wasn't that great(the screaming was truthfully, pretty good, sorta closer to kurt than chester), and they seem to lose the plot. i seriously cannot understand how the crowd was so into them, is it day-1-last-band-blues?

last point, took wrong train today, always does that on bloody purpose. lots of scratches and queries as to why i heard DOVER and not alight. maybe my mind is leaving me for a short vacation but for now i think it needs some shut eye.

Mr Right

2004-07-15T11:42:00.000-07:00

its been quite some time since i really wrote anything in this space, nearly one whole year? i sorta forgot bout it till today when all of the sudden, it just gashed into my conciousness, that i might still have an existing blogspot worth revisiting only for the silly, crappy, zany stuff that was written by a different and less pressured, calm and probably happier me. its more entertaining than introspective i guess, like reading an anomic history of the lesser beings. Its that hilarious. i quite miss it honestly with a large dose of sadness coz i know i'd most likely would not be able to write like that again. well about the blog title i was just randomly browsing through friendster in the most innocent of ways and by sheer luck i glanced upon this nickname, which was obviously in some Cutest boys friend page, it practically got me floored to death, sprawling like some twisted puppetry. :D joyful, bound to induce unnecessarily loud laughter and free-flowing tears. got a wholesome kick out of that. 0_o
anyhows, baybeats gonna start tml, looking forward to see something live again. lets just hope i'm not gonna screw the days up for myself. oh btw the walkman is absolute bliss from start to finish, brilliant stuff wonder why i didn't get into them the 1st place, right now no doubt's don't speak is literally ringing between the ears (its the freaking bass)

focusing more on the lighter and less intimidating side of light itself, naturally u'll feel the glow.

---==---

2003-10-31T09:10:00.000-08:00

voids are never easy to fill, and its worse when things like to emerge out of the darkness, crept up and ambush u when u least expected it to happen. its not ever happening ubt u can't brush it away and disregard it with the importance it carries. miserable self pity, its practically useless. drown in the muddy banks of swirling madness. haha.

listening to-heil to the thief

rumblings and crumbs

2003-10-25T11:43:00.000-07:00

havent seen this blank and unattractive white box for ages now and i sorta miss the feeling of seeing it filled up with endless words and multiple sentences. well i think i may have a slightly blunt edge now but with some sharpening, it'll get better. right now i'm just peeved that i can't watch kill bill vol 1, dun understand wats wrong with violence and sex in this age. sigh...

absence makes the heart fonder, at least by abit

2003-10-12T04:52:00.000-07:00

long long time since i've entered this domain i've been bogged down with the stupidest of viruses, its eats up my memory and i can't seem to go for more than 2 pages when the whole thing crashes. sheer frustration. anyways since i'm already here and brushing off the cobwebs i might as well add sth in. i've been sorely lack of creativity lately even handling a pen seems to be the toughest thing to do, well actually its the wrtiting down of wat i'm thinking thats hard to illustrate. besides that erm i'm just wanna watch this movie, lost in translation which methinks is a beautifully shot movie that takes in toyko and anything that takes place there is surely worth a look.
till then, may all the sufferers from a weird kind of loneliness be cured......

dazed again and confused

2003-08-22T13:55:00.000-07:00

longweekendbutsowat?

socially responsible

2003-08-14T12:00:00.000-07:00

u've got to be socially responsible to all the people around constantly and try as hard as possible to keep that certain high level of commitment and effort there but truth is, its difficult to do so. most of the time, compromises are made without sparing a thought for others and consequences have to be bared. sometimes it efffects me alot but most of time i'd just shrugg it off like some troublesome chewing gum but eventually such things tend to bulit up and will flood my mind with endless possible solutions and endings. which i suspect is not very healthy.

looking around carelessly and purposefully

2003-08-09T11:28:00.000-07:00

till now i still can't make out why i feel so stoned and empty when walking along the streets and bright lights of town, particularly during the extend and insanely crowded periods of the late night and afternoon. its like a whole rush and onslaught of cold and merciless wind knocking my mind out cold with all the ongoing human traffic and the clutter and usual flashes of unembarressed riot of colours that stream from the clothes, shoes and other various appareals that other people wear, carry, hook on. its fucking numbing. maybe its the lack of a focal point and minds inability to differentiate between people wearing black and black but its certainly not a pleasent experience. in retrospect, everything seems much cooler and controlled and clearer in the late dark night and the lazy shiny afternoons where there is little but grains of people walking around. the effect it infects on me is that of a calm and soothing ice cold drink on a hot summer's day.
weird as it seems the contours and sharpness of buildings seem to appeal to me more as compared to fleshly flesh, i'm puzzled

no particular interest

2003-07-26T14:10:00.000-07:00

hey
thats a common word to use

2003-07-05T14:10:00.000-07:00

lately i've been doodling alot on blank pieces of paper and contributing to my narrow and limited art vocabulary lots of sketches, words, columns, rows of seemingly unconnected alphabets. its fun hopefully this preoccupies me with something else to think of

2003-07-05T13:55:00.000-07:00

havent done this in a long time, well too long for me to actually remember when was the last time i felt a compelling urge to post something. frankly i still cannot forsee myself undergoing the ocs course smothly and without any minor/major whims, hitches. its either that or i can't take it mentally and then proceed to fall out graciously and heroically or perhaps shamelesslly, ultimately till then i'll have to be content with the imprint that i'm going to book in today, back to the very same place where i spent the last 3 weeks trying to forge a common identity and identify with the area, cause, course and the new people around me. well i must say the guys are really quite solid in terms of their fitness, ability to handle pressure and their willingness and commitment to the 1 bar. that leaves me practically alone to grapple with the awkward situation of having conflicting and negative thoughts in my head at the same time, strangely though, no side seems to have a clear edge over the other. and because of that, i'm in this constant state of confusion and uncertainty. truthfully the feeling is becoming increasingly unbearable and intertwined to the point where its so freaking pointless to talk about if i'm going to ever go past some really tough and difficult paths along the way. mentally, i'm pretty screwed-up and psychologically i'm not that well balanced either. so i guess the chaotic chatter and indecisiveness will probably linger around for a much longer time then i expected it to be...
till then.

2003-06-10T11:55:00.000-07:00

hail to the thief

2003-06-07T13:28:00.000-07:00

maybe its just me but i can't stop whiining about how i've lost the energy and motivation to continue posting stuff, i just don't noe when this period will end....

2003-06-05T12:58:00.000-07:00

sometimes u listen to something and ur mind goes into a furry of unexplained but genuinely feel emotions that probably pre-occupy the entire spectrum of sub conciousness

its the stuff that makes the difference

2003-06-05T12:29:00.000-07:00

in pitch dark
i go walking in your landscapes
broken branches
trip me as i speak
just because you feel it, dosen't mean its there
just because you feel it, dosen't mean its there

there's always a siren
singing you to shipwreck
steer away from these rocks
we'd be a walking disaster
just because you feel it, dosen't mean its there
just because you feel it, dosen't mean its there

there there

why so green and lonely?

we are accidents;
waiting to happen
we are accidents;
waiting to happen
we are accidents;
waiting to happen

radiohead: there there

2003-05-25T22:43:00.000-07:00

having continuously read many other people's blogs out of curiousity and interest, just realised that mine is really a very poorly done version, its unattrative and mindless that makes me feel so sad.

2003-05-18T12:11:00.000-07:00

oh well, its been a really really long time since i sincerely felt the urge to post anything no this particular barren and uninformative website. but for some unknown and complex reason, i just felt the need to write something, probably becoz i haven't been thinking about stuff and focusing on alot of things, been slacking and taking time off whenever, where-ever possible. and all of a sudden, i've lost the desire to write AGAIN.

2003-03-21T11:37:00.000-08:00

seriously that was just for fun, ha! eh the main reason that i haven't been writing much can be attributed to the writer's common cold ( or excuse, whichever light u wanna see it)- writer's block. maybe its becoz i've been thinking alot and not really putting stuff down, as in in bold or somewhere where i can observe and disect and breakdown and consume. But sadly enough, laziness prevented me from moving a muscle and doing anything. see lah, its happened again...darn

2003-03-21T10:35:00.000-08:00

20 days sinced i typed anything in this plain white box. and all i manage is this stupid fucking self-explainatary line.

2003-02-28T10:45:00.000-08:00

just for the record, the below 2 posts were supposed to be up by wed, but there was this technical problem that surfaced between me and bloggger's servers. apparently, the 2 posts in question were in fact, 1 terribly long and overwritten essay, as the naive and incredibly forceful individual that is me, i blatantly tried to post this entire compostion but to no avail. dispite countless tweakings and constant changes to the post itself, i still couldn't find the area of malfunction. then very convinently, blogger was undergoing a shift in power and authority so i happily shoved the whole issue in blogger's face. admittedly i was rather pissied off with the whole thing but since it wasn't my fault(thankfully, i was beginning to suspect if my comp was in the verge of a nervous breakdown and i unwillingly looked as though i was going through the same phase with it.). anyway, the whole thing just slapped me back in the face when i finally realised that the server cannot handle such a freaking over-stretched post. hence the solution below. right having said that, i'm really thinking of scraping the comments solumn because its collecting dust and throughout my whole 2 months, it has only registered 1 comment. *sigh* but thats just an idea though. ciao then.

2003-02-28T08:29:00.000-08:00

just today, i was listening to about all of the songs in my winamp playlists, which basically contains all the songs i have. eh, i'm not very into organization of mp3s, well that being i only have around 80 songs and i'm the click-and-add-new-song-to-current-playlist-and-just-listen type. so er, there u go. anyway wasn't really hearing wat was going on, partly becoz about a boy is such an entertaining read(high fidelity is much, much better though), and partly becoz i was listening to the same stuff daily. so when i got my head around to just keep track of the music, it was around the big ideas, big boots part, both radiohead songs, i was mentally tuned in to rh frequency. then about 10 mins or so, a cleanly plucked but really firm and tight guitar note sprung through the (really lousy, but still in perfect working condition) speakers, not that i immediately sat up and take notice, but well i really thought it was a glitch or sth, ignored it and continued to read. but the background noise seemed to have changed, not in a sudden outburst, but in a clarming and highly unexpected manner. eh, so the abstractness and freshness of the white noise channeling to my sensitive noise inputs made me stand up and walk towards the comp to find out if i really have such wonderfully spaced-out, psyched-out music in my library or did the stupid thing just hung by itself and started to repeat the same fragment of an mp3 over and over again. well much to my surprise, nothing stopped functioning properly and i indeed had such blissed-out music(which, interesting to note makes perfect background music). it was from a band called yume bitsu, whose 3 songs i downloaded quite long ago and at that point of time, it didn't fit into my listening spectrum. i was utterly moved. so i regret saying that their latest album which the 3 songs are from is next on my records shopping list, even out gunning neon golden. its aptly named the the golden vessyl of sound. haha..*smirkish/devilish grin* will try to get it from borders soon, and oh methinks the pianist should be 1 hell of a movie, outrageously epic in vision and scope, with breath taking performances from staunch, solid actors/actresses and a plot thats rich in history and humanity as well. eh, it makes the top of my movies watching list, even beating daredevil. *sly/foxy sort of half crooked smile*
0_o

2003-02-28T08:28:00.000-08:00

i haven't bought a record in 5, 6 weeks at least. thats really alarming to my cd collection which has been growing really steadily for the past 2 years when i seriously got into trying out and really liking various different genres of music, thats when i broke out of my Radiohead shell and began widening and reformatting my musical senses to include probably DJs, icelandic stuff(bjork, sigur rios), post-punk, heavy metal, local music, acoustic-ky singer-songwriters. my guess is its not much, but its still a respectable sort of catalogue thats sitting nicely in the top of the bookshelve. while i can proudly say i have once again restrained myself for not dropping dupe to purchase another cd, the wait for a new one is excruciating. my insatiable hunger for new material seems to always outweigh my financial constraints. : )

2003-02-24T11:12:00.000-08:00

eh, i'd probably lost the momentum to continue to write stuff, evreyday stuff about wats going on in my life. well i don't really know if this is a permanent condition but unfortuantely i think its gonna continue for quite some time. its like all of a sudden i've lost the apitide for such mundane things, er don't really know i'm writing all this stuff as well. has been in quite a shifty mood lately, 1 second doing this and the next second thinking about whether or not i should be really doing this and not something else, something more constructive and would aid me in gaining some sort of assurance that i'm actually getting soemthing out of it. its just like today when i was at the library returning the wonderful book that i've mentioned a couple, maybe more times on this site(in case u're wondering, its a heartbreaking work of staggering genius which really is a catchy and provocative book thats apparently huge on the jokes and cynical remarks, but in fact deals with loss, depression and the aftermath of practically 911 happening too often in your life. eh, the real, sad truth is that the book is a mammoth of an emotional read. heart-wrenching to say the least. enough said, go read it). anyway since it was the public library, i decided to go see if i can find anything else to read. i stumbled across virginia woolf(sorry can't spell), and was really about to make my loan a reality but the more i thought about it, the idea of me reading 18th century literature is quite a sight, u could see me hutched over in a bus ride proudly displaying a book baring the author's name emblazed brightly across the cover, and pretend not to notice all the passerbys looking at the name and gasp in amazement and try to discreetly peek through to see for themselves who was this incrediblely mature young man. (not to mention incrediblely well groomed) (hey abit of ego boosting never hurts right, besides its just a sence) sadly, that senario would not materalise, i simply decided that if i really were to read her works, i'd have to be in the right frame of mind to do it. in truth i was afraid of reading the book and demolish that ever high figure of literature authority that i really envision her as. so 2 excuses. i didn't borrow anything in the end, gass seemed like a very mind-blending read but erm just couldn't do it.
well actually the most of the time i just bitch about my own shortcomings. 0_o

2003-02-21T09:38:00.000-08:00

losers wept
never fail
contemplating something worse
screw-up thoughts
too much to handle
can't u hear us?

2003-02-20T10:19:00.000-08:00

when i look at the post below. i'd literally burst into fits of unrecongisezable gurgling noises that only slightly resemble laughter, its like the incessant giggling of young and impressionable school girls, with added muffled hyena yelps. and i'm not finished yet! well probabaly more unidentified sound effects in there but anyway u get the point.*exasperated with thyself*. haha, sometimes i kill myself just listening to the funny thoughts running around in my head, unfortunately not many will get the chance to laugh with me. ha. erm..here's hope this post isn't gonna go way out of hand and become one of those readings that don't make any logical sense. anyway in order for me not to slip into the above mode again, i shall force myself to talk about my current to-do list, which includes finding out wat i really really wanna do with my life. that meaning i have, and i mean have to find out about wat U has to offer me and make a sound decision. don't want to have everything rush towards me at the day of the results and worse, make a groundless assumption that that particular course would be essential to my life and just take the plunge. it would be awfully sad if the opposite turns out to be true, and particularly life changing. damn, the stress levels killing me, its even more potent than my inner stupid funny thoughts. darn. 0_o

2003-02-19T09:21:00.000-08:00

sometimes you can't help but wonder why the world takes you for granted and continues to spin on its own axis even if the most claustrophic of accidents/occurances/incidents were to happen. funnily enough all these actions have a direct/indirect/ultimately will have an effect on everyone else in the world(maybe thats just me...) but anyway, dosen't that provide more than enough reason for the world to stop rotating and glance upon those petty souls whose lives have been twisted and distorted and spun around like the ragged, tattered and trorn clothes being dumped in the neighbourhood laundry centre. i'm not complaining. but the theory that every cloud has a sliver lining seems to not have a very visual effect on the world, it can't stop wars from happening, stupid UN conferences from being held and the fate of the world that subseqently depends on the actions and resolutions of these high-end officials who obviously have their ends inverted. anyway i don't really noe why i'm writing this, maybe i've seen it coming since a mile and it probably took me another mile to catch it and put it down but wat the heck. since i've done it i'm not about to give in to the "oh its too corny" monster and delete this passage away. stick to your principals man....haha
0_o

2003-02-18T09:51:00.000-08:00

just read my last 10 blogs. 1stly didn't knew i wrote so many, and then came the shocker i was sick and feeling at unease with myself for so many blogs! damn. that means that i can't survive a few days at tekong without falling head over heels with the flu bug, thats definitely not good news for me...geez.
*sigh*

2003-02-16T23:21:00.000-08:00

i could start by nagging myself for not updating my blog for a good 3 days or the fact that i've done nothing over the past 3 days that would have contributed to my not updating my blog. but no, just not in the right mood to reprimand myself again. or rather over and over again. there's nothing much to say really because i'm feeling abit sicky and erm my thoughts machine isn't really funtioning that well, the worse thing is the weather seems to mimic my innermost emotions, its pouring right now. to give the extent of how much the sun has gone away now, i have to switch on 2 lights to be able to grope my way throught the keyboard.
well my current state of musicallity cannot be described as stale really but maybe retro, i like listening to all the past good utterly fantastic ablums of before, the only new stuff are the latest coldplay one and interpol and liars. hopefully neon golden will come soon
till then, peace

2003-02-13T08:52:00.000-08:00

by right, i shouldn't be feeling so wrong about not updating my blog, althought its onli a few days, its feels awfully long to me. too long for ccomfort, maybe the reason for my sudden adrenlin rush of disappointment and sadness is due to the fact that i'va seen and hear many inspiring frames/sences/quotes over the past few days too many to even jot in down on the right/left hand side of the brain(take ur pick). thats the whole issue with me, can't possibly get myself to commit to memory anything that i find worthwhile, its sickening to say the least when u really have something to say but have nothing to say in actual fact, thats because there's nothing of enough depth and conviction worth projecting to yourself. its like i have no self-relection, either i don't believe in that or don't noe how to do it, it public i always go for the former. well this is a frustration laden blog that i've written, have no way to do anything about it. well here's hoping i'll overcome and overthrow watever's bothering me. peace

2003-02-10T08:56:00.000-08:00

damn it just realised my freaking comments thing isn't working very well. worst is i dun even have a template for my comment box so its just sorta hanging in there. as in hang? u noe the hang in "when the com hangs" hang. arrgh... anyway today was really tiring played like 2 hours of basketball. and the 1st hour was completely crap, missed jump shots, easy lay-ins. but that was mainly becoz i was playing with my shadow but the tide turned during the 2nd hr, at least i managed to hit a few open shots and stuff, overall a pretty good session. ha! another thing i wanna add is that i'm absolute rubbish with the guitar, been playing for a goood 2 years now its seems to me that i'va been learning with my feet the whole time, no originality, no precision, no fucking reflexes to switch chords effectively and accurately, heck can't even pick. i'm like the most ametuer veteran there is out there...i'm hopeless.
but i must emphasize that a glimmer of hope must be permitted in order to allow thy talent to overflow and create a commotion. thank you

2003-02-09T08:55:00.000-08:00

let's see then its been a good day and a half since i posted anything well maybe not really that good, after that awesome fabulous and simply mouth-watering dinning experience, i had to walk like at least 1.5 km to reach the bus-stop that would provide the bus that would eventually take me to the humble little cave of mine that can be called home(to me, at least). and immediately upon reaching home i felt something wasn't quite right, sure the tv's still working fine and the comp's completely responsive, wat could go wrong? then a startling realisation hit me like a stray football from across the neighbourhood field zooming at approx 2 miles an hr(hey i dun even noe how long is 2 miles so just be thankful i didn't put down 8 mile...i mean miles, anyway), i had effectively been carrying a whole vacation luggage full of stuff in my knapsack, which included a 8 cm thick Hard cover book(which by the goes by a heartbreaking work of staggering genius is, judging from the reviews and the 1st chapter, a very promising, funny and heart wrenching memoir, go read it. anyway), a bloody 10 cm thick cd wallet, discman, umbrella, and other assortments of nonsense. plus i was walking all the time, so in fact i was gonna be abit ill. and indeed, behold i did fall under the cloud of sickness but that was yesterday i mean sat, thankfully i'm feeling much better now, thanks to a health dose of forty long winks and the knowledge that my mum wouldn't nag at me to help out with the household chores...hey but i did do abit of moping though.
[the above comment that has been posted has not been fabricated in any manner whatsoever, but gurantees cannot be made that the post has not been exaggerated and its content multiplied by many folds, the author will not change or address this issue, os its up to you to believe it or not..............msg ends here]

2003-02-07T02:18:00.001-08:00

goodness gracious me! gooing for a ten course dinner in a matter of moments got the book i really wanted to read today. ha! well thats life i guess...ciao

2003-02-07T02:18:00.000-08:00

goodness gracious me! gooing for a ten course dinner in a matter of moments got the book i really wanted to read today. ha! well thats life i guess...ciao

2003-02-06T08:27:00.000-08:00

nothing much to post today, no hip happenings, no new exciting discoveries, no new cds to listen to. its damn boring here this place. even the complains remain the same its bloodily boring la, exceptionally yawn-inducing la absolutely no chance of anything remotely fresh and eye-opening. dun noe why i'm saying this could be due to the fact that the latest radiohead ablum dosen't come till april or even june at least.......darn.....

2003-02-05T09:31:00.000-08:00

went to sentosa today and saw the beautiful performance that was the revamped musical fountain. breath-takingly beautiful and the 3-D images were top-notch, when the cartoon characters appeared u could actually grab them by their necks and throw them around and stuff, well u could but u'ed have to be close enough to do so. all this splendor, regretably went down pretty much even brfore the show started. it started at 7.40 but at 6 there were already busloads of tourists streaming onto any seats with a perhaps much less covered view of the event but seriously it was like the whole of beijing had decided to move across the south china sea and bypass singapore to reside in sentosa it was that much of a commotion, guess they didn't feel it but i certainly did. its just so overwhelming with all the noises coming from all angles with words that have a familiar slurr to them but dun make any sense to u, the second hand smoke just cascading, floating pass your face in relentless waves of free movement. it just sucks. so fuck second hand smoke, its the worse. seriously i'm not against them, just overwhelming and feeling under-appreciated, if they get to see such world class performances, why can't we be allow more freedom and space to do our own thing? its just unfair if u do a fair comparison on costs. this sucks.

2003-02-04T00:51:00.000-08:00

its been like 6 days since my application to hmv..but still not even a whimper... *sigh* guess thts life

2003-02-02T09:51:00.000-08:00

its absolutely the most difficult thing in the world to be standing in the midst of what? 20 people who you bearly know and still at the same maintain that light-hearted smile and the concious effort to laugh or applaud the latest antics of the person nearest to you or the other fellow across the room. but as always there are millions around this world who encounter such incidents each day and as always they do survive through the ordeal and even managed to construct a decent conversation or 2 about the various little ongoings about the other party's life. well..i think its boring if you kept on repeating the same thing to different people but to keep others amused (and to keep the conversation flowing u Have to do it somehow...) and to sustain your social position, its a real bargain. i suppose. but i dun understand why people make a big fuss out of my physique and size, while i do admit that i'm more on the meatless side, i certainly do not have a lack of lean meat(pun intended) which i suspect is being carefully camo-ed by my ahem lean outlook. sure, its even worse when the other kids in the room are way bigger than you(but not in the age aspect thought) but what else can you do but smile and give the usual "i have been/will be working out to keep my body fit for ns" seriously i really have been more active these few days u never imagine the amount of muscle mass needed to finish all the wonderous food thats layed beyond you very drooling mouths and not to mention the energy required to drag yourself all over singapore just to spent time at many other people's houses. having said that, the thing i do like about the new year is...the part where u get to see people that you really and geniune miss and look forward to meeting...1 more day to go then...ciao

2003-02-01T08:20:00.000-08:00

well happy new year! it seems so long ago that i wore those faded blue jeans and that matching(presumbly, or rather hopefully) tee. well this year hasn't been much of a difference..haha anyway thats all i have to say
ciao...

2003-01-30T00:40:00.000-08:00

i wonder what it will take for me to seriously start writing music or anything else for that matter. doesn\t it make me frustrated when a riff comes along or a terrific lyric just pops out of your concious and the next thought would be 'oh dun worry about that if i keep repeating it i'll remember to jot it down somewhere' point is i'll probably start doing something else that 'll make me lose that train of thought like listening to glorious records like ok computer or just plain walking down the street and get offended by the traffic light turning red. i wonder why there was a period of time where i kept a small yellow book in my kanpsack just to accomdate my ferivous thinking process. But till the end the pages had turned yellow and it Was yellow in the 1st place. well the next best thing would be to promise myself to write something of acute relevence, what is that? i don\t really have a freaking clue. or izzit becoz i dislike the sight of my own handwriting which truthfully f late has become sort of a cross between graffti and chinese brush writing...hmm i haven't got a answer for that..
guess i'll have to find out....by the way bob marley's been an absolute bliss...

2003-01-29T23:50:00.000-08:00

well..there really isn't much to say except for the fact that interpol is a really fucking cool band..ha! and one of last year;'s best ablum. its atmospheric post rock at its best althought they had been constantly being compared to joy division(haven't heard any of their songs yet though) i think they sound pretty original and is one of the best new york bands other than Liars which has a post-punk sort of sound complete with funky drumbeat and a sexy bassline...absolutely divine... well still think ciao is a cool word so er...ciao?

2003-01-28T22:17:00.000-08:00

lalalalal

2003-01-28T22:15:00.000-08:00

hey just trying out something....
wait a while...

2003-01-28T22:06:00.000-08:00

well the music's gone abit stale lately so as a conseqence i had to listen to radiohead all over again...*sniggers* well its not like there hasn't been any really good records, its just that i'va been listening to the 2 bootlegs that i got off the supreme music at B2 of taka...wat a fantastic er... i mean wat fantastic buys...seriously i have to see there live
someday....

2003-01-28T22:01:00.000-08:00

well actually i tried to link the pitchfork website to my own blog but since i'm a real hans-off expert on html and the like that resulted in the empty post which is really quite dumb anyway when i finally find out how to do it....
i'll do it then

2003-01-28T21:59:00.000-08:00

2003-01-28T21:13:00.000-08:00

hi.. maybe thats a good in intro to a new blog..well at least that sounds fine to me..

ciao sounds nice too...

seamless transmittion between the androids n stars

Horrifyingly Hilarious

the waking up and blinking

proper sorry frown

i don't want to do it your way...

never gone - xD

A hoot, a loot and a boot

The phrases which i thought you knew

late resignation

i am a wanker

boing

WTF?

Needs Help Er... Soon

Next week might be abit of a werid week

The Final Countdown

The novels that defined a genre

Disappointments abound.

Hello Tomorrow

Top Ten things accomplished thus far

Top Ten Things to Accomplish Before the Start of (well) School

getting delayed by the traffic and blaming it on the weather

bastard

"So this is permanent, and i'm running on air" - joy division

Screams at the top of my lungs

'this is a conquest, this is a bracelet, this isnt no innervention, this is the new year, baby baby, u're really the best.' obstacle 1 - interpol

the empire strikes this hard worn out blow at me, knocking some much needed sense.

some scary conicidence

daeth rays staring u down

calm, fitter, healthier and more productive

FUCKED-UP

dazed and confused AGAIN! *the horros!*

there she goes, my beautiful world

random things to accomplish in life

restored to some sense of normalcy *argghh, cant spell*

leaky, leaky

Its christmas eve and i've only got 2 fucking presents

Top of the pouses

casually talking bout the end of the world.

a wasted life.

words of wisdom and truth

shameless self advertising

the perils of being an underaged pop-rock star

a worthless life

that forlorn look

headless and useless

THIS is the way, step inside

forgotten realms of the unseeing

skyline view of the place behind chillout stage

charming baby, fruit juice, heroes?

Mr Right

---==---

rumblings and crumbs

absence makes the heart fonder, at least by abit

dazed again and confused

socially responsible

looking around carelessly and purposefully

no particular interest

dazed and confused AGAIN! the horros!

restored to some sense of normalcy argghh, cant spell